And What to Do About it.
A family was having a good time on the lake. It was a beautiful summer day. The warm sun from the sunny summer sky beat down on my exposed arms covered in sunscreen.
“Summer is not my favorite season, but at moments like this take the trophy,” expressed Mr. Relaxed. Resting on his boat he observed the kinetic chaos of boats that had turned the summer’s peacefulness into a commercial expression of fun!
The cloudless day was perfect to enjoy with the family. The light blue sky seemed to smile at the brilliant blue-green waves.
“It feels so picture-perfect,” said the little one.
After an exhilarating boat ride, the family parked the boat in a cove and enjoyed swimming, and eating their lunch.
A father, mother, and daughter sat down to enjoy lunch, their sweet little girl was holding two pieces of cantaloupe in her hands.
The mother leaned over and asked with a smile, “Beautiful little girl, could you give your mommy one of your pieces of cantaloupe?”
The little girl looked up at her mom with an impish grin, then she suddenly took a quick bite of both pieces of cantaloupe, both parents shot her the death glare.
The mother’s face went from the enjoyment of this summer day to it’s time to address this entitlement. After a second that felt like an hour of glares, the little girl said to her mom, “Mommy, here you go. (Smile) This one is the sweeter.”
Often what we think is entitlement is just simply not, if we try to understand what is going on in the minds of our children. Entitlement is uncovered after the situation is completely over in a review and reflection. Entitlement cannot be corrected with decisiveness at the moment until you have taken time as a parent to fully understand the little ones thought process.
Entitlement gets corrected when specific behaviors are rewarded. When the child displays empathy, kindness, gratitude, and respect, these behaviors should be embraced. Years of not cultivating these behaviors can lead to a life of entitlement.
When you work in or invest in the real estate industry these simple values should be the focus of your dealings. Entitlement does not get rewarded.
Entitlement is like an anchor on a boat. Above the surface, the boat looks free to roam the open waters, but under the surface of the water, the boat is stuck. This heavy anchor is difficult to lift out of the water, but once it is put away the boat can operate freely.
Knowing what behaviors lead to entitlement will help you from participating in them. Real Estate is a different profession. It is an industry that requires a unique perspective. So... how do you know what to watch for in your behavior and mindset that will ensure you are not raising an entitled child. According to a blog post on John M. Grohol, Psy.D of PsyCentral, “One of life’s hardest lessons to learn is that you can only change yourself.”
A real estate professional’s schedule is not “normal.” Evening times for dad are often spent working. According to Psychology Today, “A sense of entitlement can manifest after experiencing maltreatment, feeling a keen sense of lack, or being treated with contempt.” Oftentimes when we are working our patience can run thin. Because your child will likely be home in the evening time, it is likely that you will have things to do when your child is most craving your attention. This can lead to entitlement.
A real estate professional will typically have a large network. Fathers in Real Estate often have a huge network that they tend to use and abuse. If you do not make a solid choice on how to interact with your network when you are newer in real estate later in your journey you will begin to blur the lines. I have seen plenty of friends that utilize their network for people in their family. If this behavior is passed along to your child they will often feel entitled to the success they are having without the gratitude and appreciation that is required to sustain success long term.
Wealth Can Have Consequences
According to a recent FORBES article, “Real Estate can be the quickest way to high net worth.” Fathers in Real Estate can make quite a bit of money, thus they are tempted to give, give, give to their children. According to an article in Business Insider "When it doesn't matter as much, let [children] fail." When you start earning more, as a parent, you tend to pay for better lessons, teachers, and better coaches. Then your child can hack the needed skills to succeed without many failures. It becomes harder for them to deal with failure later on in life and more importantly they feel entitled to success. It is important to let your children fail sometimes.
With all this talk of entitlement, what should you do about it or how can you change your behavior to ensure your Real Estate ambitions do not wreak havoc on your children?
Schedule the time and create goals for the relationship - Do you have a written parenting plan?
Do you know what life skills you and your family are working on?
Do you block out time to spend with your children?
In addition to these things, I have found that you can still block out your time in the evening to have some family time and still complete some work. Some things you can do include don’t take calls during meals, such as dinner. This allows you to be present with your family. Another thing you can do is pick a day during the week to devote the evenings to your family and market those days to everyone you encounter.
In your email signature, it might say “Wednesday evenings I spend with my amazing daughter, I attend her taekwondo classes and we eat dinner with our family. If you need immediate assistance on Wednesdays to contact XXXXXXXX and speak with XXXXXX”
Don’t take advantage of your network - This is pretty self-explanatory, don’t ask your network for favors for yourself or your family. If your network offers to do something without intentional promoting then consider their offer, but don’t ask for it. This is especially true for helping your children.
If your children deserve something they will earn it. The quickest thing that comes to mind is a job. Let your child make a name for themselves. This does not mean that you can’t throw out occasional praise of something you’re proud of that your child has accomplished.
If your child is interested in the Real Estate industry put them to work early with you. Over time your network will see the amazing qualities you see in your child and people will approach them directly.
Start Your child with The Coin System ™ at an early age. The Coin System helps you and your child to break entitlement and reinforce the family values, the family values your family finds important.
The Coin System ™ implemented an early age helps you and your family plan out your parenting, schedule the attention your children need, and teach your children the importance of hard work.
They will be earning things they want out of life. You can use The Coin System ™ to plan family goals and work towards those goals with contributions from your children.
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